When to Give In for Others

Opening Scripture

When they came to Capernaum, the collectors of the two-drachma tax went up to Peter and said, 'Does your teacher not pay the tax?' He said, 'Yes.' And when he came into the house, Jesus spoke to him first, saying, 'What do you think, Simon? From whom do kings of the earth take toll or tax? From their sons or from others?' And when he said, 'From others,' Jesus said to him, 'Then the sons are free. However, not to give offense to them, go to the sea and cast a hook and take the first fish that comes up, and when you open its mouth you will find a shekel. Take that and give it to them for me and for yourself.' (Matthew 17:24-27)

Leader Context

This passage shows Jesus teaching about Christian liberty and accommodation. Jesus didn't technically owe the temple tax (as God's Son, He was exempt), but He chose to pay it anyway so He wouldn't cause others to stumble or be confused about His faithfulness. The sermon emphasized that Jesus modeled self-denial and deference to others — sometimes we give up our rights for the sake of someone else's conscience or faith journey.

For 9-12 year-olds, this connects to everyday choices: giving in when you don't have to, choosing peace over being right, and thinking about how your actions affect others' faith. The goal is helping them see that maturity sometimes means choosing not to fight every battle.

Time estimate: 20-25 minutes for all five questions.

Question 1: What Was the Tax About?

Ask: In our passage, some men asked Peter if Jesus paid the temple tax. What was this tax for, and why might it have been confusing whether Jesus needed to pay it?

Expected Answer: The temple tax was money collected to support the temple in Jerusalem (based on Exodus 30). It might have been confusing because Jesus is God's Son — and the temple is God's house — so technically He didn't owe a tax to support His own Father's house. Kings don't charge their own children taxes!

Leader Notes: Help kids see the logic: if your dad owned a store, he wouldn't make you pay to shop there. Jesus was making a point about His identity (He's the Son of the King), but He still chose to pay. Emphasize that Jesus had the right to say no, but didn't.

Redirect if needed: If kids get stuck, ask: 'Who usually pays taxes — family members or strangers?' Then connect it: 'So if the temple is God's house, and Jesus is God's Son...'

Question 2: Why Did Jesus Pay Anyway?

Ask: Jesus told Peter, 'However, not to give offense to them' (v. 27). What does that mean? Why would Jesus pay a tax He didn't really owe?

Expected Answer: Jesus didn't want to confuse people or make them stumble in their faith. If He refused to pay, people might think He didn't care about the temple or God's law. He gave up His right so others wouldn't be hurt or confused.

Leader Notes: The word 'offense' here (Greek: skandalizō) means to put a stumbling block in someone's path — to trip them up spiritually. Jesus prioritized other people's faith journey over insisting on His own freedom. This is a key principle in Romans 14, where Paul talks about not causing weaker believers to stumble.

Application Prompt: 'Can you think of a time when you had the right to do something, but it might have hurt someone else or caused a problem? What did you do?'

Question 3: The Miracle Fish

Ask: Jesus told Peter to go fishing and that he'd find a coin in the first fish's mouth (v. 27). Why do you think Jesus provided the tax money this way instead of just using money they already had?

Expected Answer: Jesus was showing His power and care — He can provide in miraculous ways. It also made the lesson more memorable for Peter. Plus, it showed that even though Jesus was accommodating others, He wasn't doing it out of weakness or lack — God provided exactly what was needed.

Leader Notes: This miracle is unique to Matthew's Gospel. It demonstrates God's provision and reinforces that Jesus' choice to pay wasn't because He was trapped or poor, but because He chose to serve others. The miracle adds a sense of wonder and reminds kids that God sees and provides for our needs, even in surprising ways.

Redirect if needed: 'How do you think Peter felt when he opened that fish's mouth? What would that teach him about Jesus?'

Question 4: When Should We Give In?

Ask: The sermon said Jesus sometimes chose to accommodate people (like paying the tax), but other times He confronted them (like in Matthew 15 when He challenged the Pharisees about hand-washing rules). How do we know when to give in and when to stand firm?

Expected Answer: We should stand firm when it's about something God clearly commands or when truth is at stake (like Jesus defending God's Word in Matthew 15). But we can give in when it's about our personal rights or preferences, especially if insisting on them would hurt someone's faith or cause unnecessary conflict.

Leader Notes: This is the discernment question — and it's tough even for adults. Help kids see the difference between core truth (non-negotiable) and personal freedom (flexible). In Matthew 15:7, Jesus called the Pharisees hypocrites because they replaced God's commands with human traditions — that was worth confronting. But the temple tax? That was a matter of freedom, so Jesus accommodated.

Cross-reference: Read Romans 14:19-21 together: 'So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding... It is good not to... do anything that causes your brother to stumble.' Paul echoes Jesus' principle here.

Application Prompt: 'Think about an argument you've had recently. Was it about something really important (like honesty or kindness), or was it about your preferences (like what game to play)? How might Jesus' example change how you handle it next time?'

Question 5: Practicing Self-Denial

Ask: The sermon's big idea was that Jesus modeled 'self-denial and deference to others.' What's one way you could practice that this week — giving up something you have a right to for someone else's sake?

Expected Answer: (Answers will vary) Examples: letting a sibling pick the movie even when it's your turn; not correcting someone about a small mistake if it would embarrass them; choosing not to argue about something minor; sharing a snack you don't have to share.

Leader Notes: This is the personal application. Encourage specific, realistic examples from their daily lives. Remind them that this isn't about being a doormat or letting people take advantage — it's about choosing peace and love when the issue isn't a matter of right and wrong. JC Ryle's quote from the sermon is helpful here: 'There are occasions when it shows more grace in a Christian to submit than to resist.'

Challenge: 'This week, look for one moment where you could give in — not because you have to, but because it might help someone else or keep peace. Then tell someone (parent, friend, or me next week) how it went.'

Closing Prayer Prompt

Pray together, asking God to help you recognize when to stand firm for truth and when to give in for love. Thank Jesus for His example of caring more about others than His own rights.